Happy Father's day

June came too fast. Spent the last week of May thinking of what I want to achieve. Unclear; but somehow figured out what I want and committed that in prayers. Unsure; but took a leap of faith trusting God will make a way and closes all doors that are against His way. Things aren't that smooth recently but I guess I have to learn to deal with it. Feeling down but still believing.

Filled with doubts, not in God but in my abilities. However, in my incapability its somehow portrait God greatness in my life.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13

I am so thankful that I am a daughter of Christ. Not because I am worthy, but because He chose me. God who has a reputation to uphold still accepted me eventhough I am so

undeserving. No words can describe how thankful I am.
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him." - Matthew 7:11

If my earthly parent can gives me good gifts, what's more that my heavenly Father cannot gives.

My earthly father loves me alot. Just that he doesn't know how express it.

I always hope to have a better relationship with my father. Not in any way that he is bad but he is a tradition chinese man that takes no jokes and no nonsense. We seldom exchange words at home and we don't share common topic. Always portrait a strict and stern look. Most of my growing up decisions were made by myself (which also means I have to bear all consequences), but at the same time he ensure that i do not go off track. Eg, in order to keep me away from bad influence, curfew was implemented to prevent me from coming home late and no stay over at chalet. And he was so suspicion whenever i mixed with male friends, this often lead us to quarrels. These were things that eventually cause our relationship to be far apart.

I have my dreams to chase but at the same time there will always be a opposing force holding me back because trying to be a good daughter my dad wants is not easy. The lack of communication and understanding eventually aggravate our relationship and it came to a point that we stop talking to each other.

If I did not remember wrongly, we have not been talking for almost 2 years. It was hurtful. Tears filled my eyes when this topic is being brought up and I will secretly cry at night. I could only get comfort from my bedtime prayers.  

My prayers are heard though it does not come instantly. I could not understand how and don't know when my relationship with my dad become better, but I thank God for this. We start to talk about things that we usually don't and he will ask me to watch some youtube clips on his phone. Simple gestures remind me of how close we used to be when I were just a child.

My dad (a non believer) may not knows that my prayer was answered but I reckon this is the best father's day gift God has given to him and me.